I have a confession to make. I thrive with routines. I love knowing what I’m going to do, when I’m going to do it, as far ahead of time as possible. I love organization, even though it may not look like it if you come visit my home on a week night when there’s laundry and toys and unopened mail and crayons everywhere. I believe that a set daily routine/schedule is good for everyone in the family, including the kids. Even the CDC backs up my beliefs. There is an entire section about Creating Structure and Rules on their Essentials for Parenting Toddlers and Preschoolers website.

Consistent routines and rules help create order and structure your day. Things go more smoothly when you and your child know what to expect.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Parenting Essentials

Ever since our children were born, we have worked to have them on a consistent schedule. Of course the schedule has changed as they have grown but they each have a schedule appropriate for their age. Our son, CJ, knows that he has mixed martial arts after school on Mondays and Wednesdays and that he gets his bath at 8pm (but he makes it clear that Jasmine gets her bath at 7:30 because she’s a baby!). Jasmine, at 2 years old, already seems to know which day she goes to daycare and which day she gets to stay home. And, luckily, they are both excellent sleepers and know that when bedtime comes, they are going to sleep in their own beds, in their own rooms, all night.

Yesterday, I learned that I may have gone a little too far with sticking to a routine all the time. As I mentioned in my last blog post I’m working on moving my family to a healthier, more plant based diet. One of my tasks for this week was to prepare breakfast for CJ instead of having him eat breakfast at school. I was really worried about running out of time because mornings are very busy. So, the night before I prepped what I could and set out all the ingredients needed for the oatmeal. I moved quickly with getting myself dressed so that I would have enough time to prepare the “big kid” oatmeal that he loves. He came downstairs and I proudly presented him with his favorite home cooked breakfast: oatmeal with brown sugar and cinnamon, multigrain toast and a cup of milk.

He looked at his healthy, delicious breakfast and began to cry. “Why do I have to eat this today?!?” he wailed. I was shocked. “But you love oatmeal!” I replied. “Yeah but we only eat oatmeal on weekends, today is Tuesday!!!” He was upset. Very, very upset. And I was annoyed. I had turned my normal routine upside down in order to prepare a healthy breakfast for him. And he didn’t care. Because it’s Tuesday.

So, my husband and I had to take some time and talk to him about being flexible. We had to explain that there can be more than one right way to do things, and sometimes, you need to change up your routine a little bit. It doesn’t mean that the old way was bad, it just means that we’re trying something a little different. It may be for a little while or this may become part of our regular schedule.

I realize this is an important lesson for me as well. Flexibility in life, in attitude, can make for a richer and more enjoyable life. We don’t have to keep doing things the same way just because that’s how we’ve always done it. I would daresay that flexibility is a key component of resilience – the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and challenges. Michelle Obama describes flexibility in her book, Becoming, as the ability to swerve, the ability to move where life takes you, adapt to the change and enjoy the ride. I like that idea and that’s something that I have been working on in my own personal growth journey. And now, I know I need to incorporate that into the lessons I teach my children. I want them to grow up to be happy, healthy and resilient. So, we’ll work on being more flexible and changing things up – except at bedtime. We’re not messing with bedtime. Because Mommy needs her sleep.